god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Randomize
