New low: just hacked my moms facebook
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
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