I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
