What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
