we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
