I'm really into asian looking animals
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize
