Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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