She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Randomize
