I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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