I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
