he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
