evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
