your parents love me but you hate me
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
