this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
