Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
