I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
