I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
