Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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