Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
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