When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
