Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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