normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
