I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
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