That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Everyone says I win the strip club
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
