So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
