How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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