I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
