apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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