I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
