i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
