I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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