I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
