i permit you to call me
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
