I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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