No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I enjoy the company of your penis
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
