I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
