I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
