Screwed.edu
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
