Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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