It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
