We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
It's shark week go big or go home
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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