OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Randomize
