Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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