Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Randomize
