even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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