The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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