So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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