I'm really into asian looking animals
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
