I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
