first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
