I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Randomize
