New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
