I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
